One of the key perks (in fact, maybe the only perk) of being a so-called "motoring scribe" is that you occasionally get invited (by the manufacturers themselves, can you believe it?) to go thrashing around a racetrack in some of their latest, sportiest offerings. No, really. And if this sounds like entirely too much fun, let me assure you that it is.

And then they even feed you.

Good stuff, too.

Did I mention that the pay in the Motoring Scribe business is generally lousy?

Or that the benefits are generally non-existent?

But who cares, since I got to do exactly that at the recent MAMA (Midwest Automotive Media Association) Fall Rallye, which was held at and around the familiar (and fun!) Autobahn Country Club facility in nearby Joliet, IL. Joliet is also home to the big Chicagoland Speedway NASCAR oval, several casinos that likewise specialize in occasionally contrived & orchestrated Games of Chance. Not to mention the decaying remains of Joliet State Prison, which housed criminals, evil-doers and antisocial types as far back as 1858, counted captured Confederate soldiers among its inmates during The War Between the States (also known as "The Civil War" to the north of the Mason-Dixon line and "The War of Northern Aggression" to the south) and was a really miserable place to be sent regardless of your crimes or politics. Joliet State Prison closed in 2002 and was replaced by nearby Stateville Penitentiary (also a thoroughly miserable place to spend your time...and in frightening company, too) but the old prison is still around as kind of a somber, gothic landmark to the wages of sin. Joliet Prison's most famous flash of public awareness was probably when Jake Blues (played to-the-manic-hilt-and-beyond by John Belushi) was released from behind its ancient walls at the very beginning of the 1980 box-office smash (not to mention the only movie I was ever in), THE BLUES BROTHERS....

But, once again, I digress.

The connection here is that what we MAMA types got away with at Autobahn yesterday bordered on the downright criminal.

Or at least that's what it felt like.

Starting with a damn good, absolutely free, calorie- and cholesterol-laden all-American breakfast courtesy of Ford's up-market Lincoln division (who asked only in return that we sit politely through a short sermon on their current & upcoming products, positioning in the marketplace and future plans without talking amongst ourselves, playing with our damn cell phones, wandering off, dozing off or snoring).

Then they turned us loose to abuse the heck out of cars.

There were all sorts of shiny-bright 4-wheeled marvels on hand. Plus the North racetrack at Autobahn (run in small groups under controlled but liberal pace-car conditions), two "street"-style rallye routes on the public roads around the Autobahn complex and a pair of challenging and entertaining "off-road" trails for the Jeeps, Range Rovers, ambitious crossovers, etc. in the infield. Not to mention a surfeit of manufacturer tech and PR types to feed us as much information and hype as we wanted along with the keys.

Is this a great job or what?

Needless to say, I made straight for the cars with the MAMA "track car" stickers on their windshields (the manufacturers were pretty specific about which cars they wanted thrashed & flogged, which ones were there to get dirty in the infield and which ones were for "street duty" only).

My first victim (er, "test drive") was in the latest version of BMW's popular (but now fading?) Mini. And though it seemed like only yesterday, it's been a full fourteen years since the Mini was the freshest, cutest, cleverest and arguablyFUNNEST new car on the scene. It was snotty, sassy, endearing and iconoclastic all at the same time and, thanks to BMW, it was great fun to drive and pretty  well-built in the bargain. Especially as compared to the old BMC Mini of the sixties, which had a few congenital engineering problems (why on earth would you have the internal engine bits and the swarf-generating transmission gears & synchro rings share the same effing oil supply?) along with component-supplier and build-quality issues and was fortunate as hell to pre-date the "recall era."

But BMW's Mini fixed all that. Or 95% of it, anyway.

And it was a freaking ball to drive in the bargain.

Although the Mini is still an extremely competent, well-built and fun-to-drive automobile (not to mention cute as a bug), it strikes me like the hotshot kid who just never grew up. The new, bulkier versions don't do much for me, and the vaunted "hardtop" has the approximate style and stance of a runty bullfrog. Likewise, that kitschy, Wurlitzer-juke-box dashboard doesn't seem quite so cute anymore. And the interior seems pretty damn close inside. And that fresh, adorable face? Well, it's still adorable. But it's just not fresh anymore. We've all seen it. And seen it. And seen it.

You build a car to the whims and fancies of people trying to remember or re-kindle the passions/emotions of their high-school days and you'll wind up with the same sort of loyalty and sustained interest that most of us had for the people we dated in those days.

Or, in other words, you're tapping into the very definition of the word "fickle."  Hell, we were all on the lookout for a fresher, more intriguing, more engaging, more alluring or more mysterious face to come along.

Which is I guess why everybody (me, included) was going gaga over the new Fiat Abarth with the Renault 17-style "sardine-tin" rollback canvas top (if you remember Renault 17s, you were probably unlucky enough to own one). Now don't get me wrong: the new Abarth is a hoot to look at and an even bigger hoot to drive. It really is. It's got whatever all the great Italian cars have always had in the way of flair, style and hands-on driving personality. It's just, plain FUN! And hopefully without the Fix-It-Again-Tony service irritations, iffy dealer network or terminal rust problems of the ill-remembered Fiats in America's past.

But is it BETTER than BMW's Mini?

Probably not.

And the Fiat is even tinier on the inside. But it's new and fresh and makes a rorty noise and reminds us of the late-fifties/early-sixties and everybody looks at you when you drive one down the street. Seems the American car-buying public is as style- and trend-conscious as a teenage girl. And even more fickle.

Which explains why there was damn near a line next to Fiat's new Abarth and no wait at all to go out in the Mini. And further why the watershed car that arguably started all this "hot econobox" business, the VW Golf GTI (and which remains, IMHO, the best "real" car in the bunch) spent most of its day just sitting there waiting for takers. The VW's better built, has more carrying capacity, a more commodious interior, far better "real world" performance and handling and on and on. Only everybody already knows all about it.

Yawn....

And much the same could be said about the Mazda 3 GT, which was lively, light on its feet, quick in all the right ways, fun to drive on-track and really quite practical. But, like I said, the American car-buying public is fickle. Not to mention easily bored and even more easily distracted.

That's what every high-schooler really wants to know.... 

Well, now they've come even further. Although I can do without the Orange Julius paint-job, the newest-edition Viper is a hell of a nice track car, and the way they've stiffened up the chassis, dampened and re-tuned the suspension, improved the feel of the steering (!!!) and just generally refined the whole experience impressed the heck out of me.